You can't fully remove the "gag-worthy" label unless they use the word "layoff". Calling it "rightsizing" or "headcount reduction" is gag-worthy.

A great gag-worthy line: "Please know we are focused on treating our impacted colleagues with the respect and compassion they deserve".

Also, if the note doesn't include the CEO stepping down (even with a transition period would be fine), then it's not a good layoff note.