I've taken solace that someday my time will come where I will no longer feel or consciously exist (death). So I've decided to work on gratitude first and all other life pursuits secondarily. Life is like a rollercoaster, there will always be ups and downs, until the ride is over. I get someone wanting things to end if they experience physical pain or disease with no escape, but like others have mentioned you're experiencing mental pain and there are options to work on that. How you feel matters, and you're not wrong in many of your perceptions, but you still deserve to feel better and find things that add joy to your life.

Also, I discovered this in a previous thread and it has been helpful in finding a way to navigate this seemingly very dystopian existence we humans choose to perpetuate: https://youtu.be/A9LI1Dv0DEg